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|Originally Aired:||June 2, 2006|
"Ask Zack" is the 19th episode of the second season of The Suite Life of Zack & Cody. After Cody hires Zack to write the advice column for the school newspaper, Zack begins to abuse his position to get a girl to like him. Meanwhile, London is unable to sleep and forces Maddie and Mr. Moseby to help her.
Cody gets Zack a job at the school newspaper for the advice column. When Darlene, girl Zack likes, asks for advice, he secretly tells her to ask him out, which she does. But when Darlene finds out that Zack was the one who gave the advice, he is in for a load of trouble. Zack then reveals that he is Shirley, to the disappointment of his brother.
London can't sleep and Maddie, Mr. Moseby, Carey, and Esteban try to help her. After trying everything, including Esteban putting on a sheep costume, reading her a bed time story, and counting to a hundred, they find a small pea-size diamond under her mattress. After removing it, London instantly falls asleep. Carey turns to leave, but to her surprise, she finds that everyone else has fallen asleep as well.
- Maddie: So what's the problem?
- London: (yelling) I can't sleep!! (leaves)
- Maddie: (yelling) And now I can't hear!
- Esteban: (yelling) Neither can I!
- Mr. Moseby: (yelling) No yelling in the lobby!
- Zack: I think I'll give Darlene a little advice on how to take a crack at the Zack.
- Cody: What are you doing?
- Zack: Just watch. (starts typing) "Sometimes a player isn't really obnoxious. He's just hiding the fact that he's shy and sensitive underneath."
- Cody: You can't do that!
- Zack: Why not?
- Cody: Because it would be using your position on the paper to manipulate someone for your own personal gain. It's morally repugnant.
- Zack: Come again.
- Cody: Bad, wrong, a no-no.
- Zack: Oh, that morally repugnant.
- Cody: I've got great news! I just got appointed Editor of the school paper!
- Zack: We have a school paper?
- Cody: Yeah. You know, there's free copies outside the library.
- Zack: We have a library?
- Cody: Okay, I don't blame you for not reading the Revere Express. It stinks, but Ms. Cohen expects me to turn it around. The same way I turned around the math lab.
- Zack: We have a math lab?
- Zack: So, isn't it great how much people love my column? Although it kinda creeps me out that Bob wants to date me.
- Cody: You can do worse and you have.
- Cody: And the lovely Janice and Jessica are doing health and beauty.
- Janice: I'm doing health.
- Jessica: I thought I was doing health.
- Janice: You're doing beauty.
- Jessica: I'd rather be healthy than beautiful.
- Janice: But I'm really healthy!
- Jessica: But I'm really, really healthy!
- Barbara: (imitating the twins' British accent) And I'm really, really glad you're not triplets!
- Cody : You can't make fun of people's insecurities. You have to be more sensitive.
- Zack: I can be sensitive.
- Carey: Oh, I just found a gray hair!
- Zack: Congrats, Grandma.
- Cody: Way to be sensitive.
- Carey: That was hardly worth the trip in here.
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