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Kept Man
Zack's rich friend.
Season: 2
Episode: 14 (season)
40 (series)
Production Code: 216
Guest Stars: Mike Weinberg as Theo
Writer: Jeff Hosden, Tim Pollock
Director: Jim Drake
Originally Aired: May 19, 2006
"The Suite Smell of Excess"

"Kept Man" is the 14th episode of the second season of The Suite Life of Zack & Cody.


Zack makes a new rich friend, who is mean to Cody and thinks he is a dork. Maddie and London have to do a parenting project for school as partners and they find out that this assignment is not easy and grow very tired when the baby cries day and night and at the near end of the episode, Mr. Moseby comes to London's suite and is angry and annoyed by the crying and threatens to rip out the doll's batteries.. Then Maddie and London get in a fight about who loves him more and Mr. Moseby tells both of them to let go. London then accidentally throws the baby out the window thus making it fall on Esteban's head, knocking him out. When Maddie and London bring the mangled baby simulator come to school, Sister Dominique is appalled by the look of the doll, but sees that both of them understood the whole idea on this assignment. She gives them both of them an A+. London and Maddie are thrilled, until the doll falls apart and reveals Maddie saying, "Darn Nun!" Sister Dominique then gets angry.


Sister Dominick: This weekend, each of you will be taking care of one of these.
Mary-Margaret: We have to take care of a doll?
Sister Dominick: Oh, not a doll. This is a high-tech baby simulator. It must be fed, changed, and nurtured—just like the real baby. And if you don't, it will cry, and I will know.
London: You mean...? (looks upwards and points)
Sister Dominick: No, dear. There's a recorder inside.
Zack: Cool, slot cars.
Cody: Wow, these trees are so lifelike. Are those Douglas Fir?
Theo: No, they're even more rare. They're plastic.
Carey: Hey Cody! How's the speech coming?
Cody: Great! I've got three metaphors, two analogies and a simile!
Carey: I'd love to hear it! You know I'm a sucker for a good simile.
Maddie: Esteban is our nanny? The man's best friend is poultry!
Mr. Moseby: He's a doll!
London: You bet he is! And you're not touching a hair on his little head!
Mr. Moseby: (mocking) He doesn't have any hair on his little head!
Zack: So, I can go to the concert?
Carey: If you think that's the right thing to do.
Zack: So, I can go to the concert?
Carey: If you really want to.
Zack: So, I can go to the concert?
Carey: If you can live with yourself.
Zack: I can.
Carey: Okay.
Zack: I'm going.
Carey: Then go.
Zack: All right. (starts leaving)
Carey: But while you're going, you just... you think about... you're disappointing your... (Zack leaves) I have got to get better at this guilt thing!
Mr. Moseby: Give me that! (takes baby doll) How do you turn off this thing? starts hitting the baby on the couch)
Lady holding a baby: (looks surprised and leaves)
Mr. Moseby: Oh, no no no no no! He's not a real baby! Believe me, I love children! LET ME HOLD YOUR BABY! (starts running after the lady)
London: (when the baby doll cries) Maddie! Baby!
Maddie: London! Your turn!
London: I'll give you $100 dollars!
Maddie: I am so tired! No amount of money can get me up!
London: Uhh, a thousand!
Maddie: Rise and shine!
London: Esteban, you're fired!
Esteban: As the nanny or as the bellboy?
London: As the nanny.
Mr. Moseby: But the day is still young!
Mr. Moseby: Esteban, please bring over that suitcase.
Esteban : (while holding the baby doll) But I'm with child.
Mr. Moseby: Get over here with that suitcase if you want to be with paycheck!
Maddie: I'm sorry, Cody. It's just that I'm exhausted. I was up all night taking care of the baby.
Cody: What baby? I didn't even know you got married.
Maddie: Please, Cody. I'm only 16 and I've never even kissed a boy.
Cody: Oh, please. Save it for the nuns.


  • In the UK airings of this episode, the scene where the doll simulator (heavily resembling a baby) is thrown out the window is censored, as well as the scene where the simulator hits Esteban on the head. Additionally, the scene that shows the "baby" being thrown against the couch is censored also. However in "Mr. Tipton Comes to Visit", these scenes are left in.


  • Maddie doesn't want to name the baby London, Jr. because it's a boy. However, London is both a boy's and a girl's name.
  • London pronounces "heir" correctly in all other episodes yet, in this episode, she pronounces it the same as "hair".
  • When Zack leaves Theo's house, he has his socks on. When he arrives back at the hotel, he appears to be barefoot.
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